Some time for the running part

So I chatted a lot about the therapy side but let’s talk a little about the running…

I am currently thinking/comptemplating/disagreeing with myself about training for a marathon.  I started running a few years ago like I said earlier in my first post.  I was happy to make it the 5K distance that I was training for.  Now my casual runs are at least 5K’s.  This is not to brag it’s just that I need to start thinking about do I really want to run a marathon because not only does it scare me but I have one in mind and I need to start training, seriously training.  My biggest problem is that I don’t just want to run, I want to compete.  I think we can all agree, I have a problem!  But I think it comes from the fact that I am an overachiever (self-admitted) and that I want to be successful at everything (mental note: being successful at everything is not possible) yet I still try.  So here comes my moment to brag…please let me because I only ever do this on facebook and it is usually about my family and not about me… so here goes:

In my first ever 5K race, I came in second (no time because it was not officially timed but I think it was around 28 mins)

My first ever 10K race, I finished in 52:57, 42nd out of 175 in age group, and 73rd out of 314 women who ran.  Pretty good results!  I was/am proud.

Two weeks later ran a 5K, I came in third with a time of 23:51.

In April 2012 the Oklahoma City Half-Marathon, I finished in 1:58:59, 60th out of 799 in my age group, and 366 out of 4994 women who ran.

Latest run… 4miler… came in 3rd out of 80 in age group and 78 out of 501 who ran the race, finished in 30:03

As you can see, I don’t want to win (okay maybe I do but that’s crazy talk) but I do want to train and compete.

Now back to the dilemma, to run in a full marathon?  I think I can… I think I want to… I am crazy!  Shall we add in a little therapy here… Why I run?  To escape, well not really because I found that as soon as I step off that treadmill or arrive back home after running, all the issues are still there.  To wrap my head around my day, well most of the time but sometimes things can not be explained and unfortunately these issues can also get in my head and create the worst run, EVER!  To stay in shape, most definitely!   To push myself, most definitely! To prove that I can do it and it is a great release, most definitely!  So we have established that I am crazy and like to push myself.  Nothing says therapy like getting out of your comfort zone and changing!

So as of right now, I still don’t have an answer, but I continue to train.  I continue to put sprints in my runs to get faster which I am hoping will prove itself in my upcoming 10K because quite frankly, these sprints are killing me!  I am hoping to better my 10K time since it will be the same race, obviously a year later, but we will cross that bridge next month.  Now my training schedule or what it was this week because I am trying to regain focus:

Mon: 4 mile run – 32:51

Tues: weights, core exercises, and weighted lunges (oh how I hate lunges!)

Wed: Rest – could barely walk because of the lunges!  Did I tell you how much I hate them!

Thurs: 3 mile run – 25.21  Followed by some planks and lots of stretching.

Fri: 5 mile run – 42:39  Followed also by some planks and lots and lots of stretching

Hopefully Sat: short run about 3-5 miles and some weight training

Sun: Rest!

Not a bad week so far and happy to report that I am winning over the dreaded weighted lunges of tuesday and I am able to walk a little better!

On a side note… I am still experimenting with this blog but I am thinking some pictures and different format might make it more interesting, so stay tuned for some changes and I hope you had an awesome day!

Faith and Powerlessness

I spend my days working with Clients in a 12 step program.  If you have never taken a moment to read the 12 steps here is your chance:

The 12 Steps

  • Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  • Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  • Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  • Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  • Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  • Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character
  • Step 7: Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  • Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
  • Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others
  • Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  • Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
  • Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this

Wouldn’t we have a better world if we all lived by the 12 steps!

I talk about this because in my work we generally focus on step 1: Powerlessness.  Have you have taken a moment and thought about that?  I have (surprise, surprise!).  But I truly have thought about this in the past 5 months.    We were faced with unemployment just as I was getting ready to graduate and start a career.  Notice I said start, not, I had already begun.  I became powerless over my life overnight.  Needed to take a job, which I currently still have, I needed to take care of my family but I was feeling out of control.  Here is where the Faith part comes in…

I grew up in the Midwest (bible belt) and I was raised in the church, which is not a bad thing, in fact it made me who I am today.  So I turned to my faith during this difficult time, not specific religious belief but faith in my higher power who for me is God.  Through my work, I see miracles happen everyday.  We even say to the clients, “Don’t leave before the miracle happens”.  This means from the small things like “Don’t worry your day will get better to guess what we found placement for you and you leave in an hour.”  To me these are miracles.  But when I am in need of a miracle, a new job for my other half and for my world to no longer be chaotic I tend to try to take my will back.  Try to control everything around me (I guess that could be the Taurus in me too).  I have to remember I am powerless over my world.  Only my Higher Power has that  understanding of why things happen and He knows I will learn from them.  But man, why does it have to take so long!

The good news… My other half started a job yesterday and things will get better financially and hopefully a little easier for me because I will not have to try and take more overtime just to pay the bills.  But I was wondering today when I had a very long drive taking my daughter to dance camp, what did I learn through this process?  Well here is what I learned… I spent a lot of time working on myself and my faith and trusting in the future that has already been mapped out for me but has not been revealed.  I learned to start my day with a devotional and focus on what I can give the world today, not tomorrow and not what I did yesterday, but today!  Live in the present!  Only focus on the moment right now and what is before me because as much as we try we can’t change what is going to happen in 5 mins because we have no idea.  It is the choice we make right now that matters.

I also started January 1 with a gratitude journal.  Even though the big event in our life did not happen until February, I had already challenged myself to take a moment each morning and be thankful for what I already had been given.  This is especially humbling when you work with people who only have the clothes on their backs and no place to go.  I noticed that when we are challenged by events in our lives it takes more to come up with the things we are grateful for, so this was a challenge but now 8 months in I still come up with new things each day (to be honest in the winter I was grateful  for that electric start on my car! especially in the snow!) and I start my day that way.

So why say all this and really do I have to be so wordy!  The answer is yes to the wordy part!!  But why do I feel like I have to say all this, because once we admit that we are powerless and we begin to have faith and trust, the load we carry gets a lot lighter.  It becomes easier to get through the day.  I look back now and realize all the things we as a family and me as the sole provider made it through.  I am stronger and have more faith in myself that I could do it again if called upon (where believe me in the beginning there were lots of tears and doubt).  I also have a stronger faith in my Higher Power because for me this verse kept popping up:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

So my therapy for you is… through hard times or even just everyday, be grateful for what you have already been given and trust in yourself.  You already possess the skills to survive you just need some faith because we truly are powerless over the future.  Be present in every moment!