Today was my first day at my new job, thank you Hurricane Sandy! (It was supposed to be yesterday but we had a visitor instead!) The nerves, anxiety and doubt began to creep in about Saturday but were full blown by Sunday evening. It began with, “you seriously took a different job. Now what are you going to do to convince this group you know what you are doing?” This was all courtesy of my friend and yours “negative nancy”. (You might have a different name for her but that is mine. You are welcome to use it if you want because I find labeling it as a great coping skill!)
Anyway since I was unable to start work on Monday, I got to let “Nancy” take over my brain for a little while longer. I woke up this morning with her in full control. (see it happens to all of us!) The wonderful part (very sarcastic at this point) was that I got to drive for an hour and a half for orientation. By the time I got to orientation I was fully convinced that I had made a huge mistake and I should call my old work and ask for my job back (which I did not do by the way!). Why do we do this? Why do we let our doubts, anxiety, nerves take over?
For me, my only answer is lack of self-confidence. Again, like I have said in the past, we get stuck in our heads and all we can see is our negative aspects. I guess that is why they say it takes 5 positive things to contradict one negative thing. It is so much easier to believe the negative. We seemed to be drawn to negative. I don’t want to be that. I want to be drawn to the positive. I want to be a stronger person with more self-confidence. But how do we do that? Well here is what I am doing. I gonna remember we are all human and doubts are normal. My boss didn’t get her job knowing everything she was going to be doing but someone saw in her the skills needed to do the job. They saw that same quality in me when I came for the interview. They had confidence that I could do the job that they were looking to fill. Also, I do have a degree in this field. I didn’t just get that in a box of Cracker Jacks. It took 3 long years of hard graduate work and now a year and a half of experience. I may not know the job in full but I will learn it! Every other clinician in my position started where I am today.
Back to the rest of the story… I was at my orientation in the waiting room with 7 other clinicians and we were talking about what the expectations of the job were. They were all in the same boat, wondering if they could do the job. It was great to hear others in the doubt phase and really made me feel more comfortable about making the right choice.
I really learned that you have to step out of your comfort zone to grow (I know I am my own worst client once again because I could easily point this fact out to my clients. Just not ready to face it myself). So I am stepping out of my comfort zone, meeting my nerves, doubt and anxiety head on and good news I know the coping skills to deal with them and I am going to really begin to listen to what I would tell others and use it for myself.