Nerves, Doubts, and Anxiety

Today was my first day at my new job, thank you Hurricane Sandy!  (It was supposed to be yesterday but we had a visitor instead!)  The nerves, anxiety and doubt began to creep in about Saturday but were full blown by Sunday evening.  It began with, “you seriously took a different job.  Now what are you going to do to convince this group you know what you are doing?”  This was all courtesy of my friend and yours “negative nancy”.   (You might have a different name for her but that is mine.  You are welcome to use it if you want because I find labeling it as a great coping skill!)

Anyway since I was unable to start work on Monday, I got to let “Nancy” take over my brain for a little while longer.  I woke up this morning with her in full control.  (see it happens to all of us!) The wonderful part (very sarcastic at this point) was that I got to drive for an hour and a half for orientation.  By the time I got to orientation I was fully convinced that I had made a huge mistake and I should call my old work and ask for my job back (which I did not do by the way!).   Why do we do this?  Why do we let our doubts, anxiety, nerves take over?

For me, my only answer is lack of self-confidence.  Again, like I have said in the past, we get stuck in our heads and all we can see is our negative aspects.  I guess that is why they say it takes 5 positive things to contradict one negative thing.  It is so much easier to believe the negative.  We seemed to be drawn to negative.  I don’t want to be that.  I want to be drawn to the positive.  I want to be a stronger person with more self-confidence.  But how do we do that?  Well here is what I am doing.  I gonna remember we are all human and doubts are normal.  My boss didn’t get her job knowing everything she was going to be doing but someone saw in her the skills needed to do the job.  They saw that same quality in me when I came for the interview.  They had confidence that I could do the job that they were looking to fill.  Also, I do have a degree in this field.  I didn’t just get that in a box of Cracker Jacks.  It took 3 long years of hard graduate work and now a year and a half of experience.  I may not know the job in full but I will learn it!  Every other clinician in my position started where I am today.

Back to the rest of the story… I was at my orientation in the waiting room with 7 other clinicians and we were talking about what the expectations of the job were.  They were all in the same boat, wondering if they could do the job.  It was great to hear others in the doubt phase and really made me feel more comfortable about making the right choice.

I really learned that you have to step out of your comfort zone to grow (I know I am my own worst client once again because I could easily point this fact out to my clients.  Just not ready to face it myself).  So I am stepping out of my comfort zone, meeting my nerves, doubt and anxiety head on and good news I know the coping skills to deal with them and I am going to really begin to listen to what I would tell others and use it for myself.

Preconceived Ideas

I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say, “most of us have preconceived ideas about how things are going to be”.  If it is not true for you than you can stop reading but if you find this true, I urge you to read on.

Today I had one of those moments.  One of those preconceived ideas and I should know better moments.  Here is the story… My other half bought me a groupon for a massage and paraffin wax of my feet and hands.  I thought what better time to treat myself than my last day of vacation before I start my new job.  So I called and scheduled an appointment earlier in the week for today.  When I made the appointment I talked to a man and that is where the preconceived ideas began.  “What a man giving me a massage?  I’m not sure about this.  I’m gonna go but if I don’t feel comfortable than I’m leaving!”

I guess I always thought men should massage men and women should massage women, wrong idea #1!  Since it seems like mostly women get massages how would these men who want to get into that profession ever have customers.  So think out of the box and try something new.

Then the location was attached to a craft mall (pretty good place to have a business if you mainly cater to women don’t you think!).  So wrong idea #2 came into my head that a massage therapy place should be attached to a spa or strip mall or something more professional, not sure I am going to like this!  (We later talked about the location and this works perfect for him other than he would like to move more towards the back so it is quieter and has a separate entrance.)

I met the man giving me the massage and was a little skeptical because of all my preconceived ideas but because I am a trooper and hey who doesn’t want a free massage (don’t worry, I tipped well) I laid down and let the massage happen.

Let me just tell you that it was one of the best massages of my life.  He got all my triggers points, was able to really work those tired running muscles and really took the full hour to give me a complete massage.  It was awesome.

When the massage was done, it was time for the paraffin wax which gave me plenty of time to talk to him.  I found out a lot about him and that this is his retirement.  He loves what he does and it shows.  I felt very well taken care of.

As for the preconceived ideas I had going in, I felt pretty bad about them.  Sometimes it is hard for us to not let our mind runaway with these ideas of how things should be.  Once I relaxed and got out of my head, I had a very relaxing time.  Just goes to show you that maybe hanging out in your mind all the time is not a good place to hang!

Ever had a preconceived idea about something that was later proved to be ridiculous?  Open up your mind to new things.

Please don’t say that about me!!

Today I am trying something new… I am using the daily prompt from Daily Post at  I thought it would be fun to try something new and the question/prompt was very intriguing.

Here it is: “What is the one thing you hope other people never say about you?”

Seems like it would be a pretty easy question to answer just start with the fact that I want everyone to like me.  But is that what I want others to never say about me, “I don’t really like her”.  Not really.  I am sure there are people who may not like me (even  though I am a pretty likeable person!).

So I look towards my professional career and wonder what I wouldn’t want my clients to say about me.  And that seems to be the answer for my overall life.  I would never like anyone to say that I didn’t listen to them, that I didn’t hear them.  I believe everyone has a story to tell and can benefit from a listening ear.  So when it comes down to the core of things, I want people to always say, “She listens and cares.”

What would you want others to never say about you?

Not so motivated Tuesday

Do you ever just wake up in that funk?  Not really wanting to do anything, knowing you have a few things to get done but you have a few more days before they have to be done.  So you procrastinate!  That’s where I am right now.  At least that is where I was this morning, not really sure it has gotten much better, other than the fact that I have gotten some stuff done this afternoon.

I was able to motivate myself to go out for a run (5.5 miles!  Yeah me!) because the weather is beautiful and I need to enjoy it while I can.  Winter will be here soon and as I discussed in previous post, I am not a great cold weather runner, although I am working on getting better at that.  I tend to believe all that I need to do is get the right equipment (ie, warm running clothes) and I will be fine.  So another way for me to procrastinate today was spend some time thinking about what to get.  Not even shopping online for it (this is getting to be a new lazy!) just thinking about it!

I continue to work through my funk/bad mood and think about the book I just finished, The Happiness Project.  I got some ideas for some future blog posts but I will leave you with the thought from the book that is helping me get through my lack of motivation:

“Act the way I want to feel… although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, in fact we often feel because of the way we act…studies show that even an artificially induced smile brings about happier emotions.”  (Happiness Project)

Motivational Monday

I recently found this on pinterest (yes, as I have said many times I am an addict of Pinterest) but I thought this was really fitting.


Have you ever reached that point where you think you have been broken only to be pushed a little farther?  I have.  And then I finally reached that breaking point, that point I thought I could never get any worse or any harder.  I was relieved when things started to change and get better.  I also realized how strong (and awesome) I really can be.

I hope you realize that today.  You are awesome!  You can do this!

Really living!

“They really lived!!” a quote from Secondhand Lions

Last night I got home kind of late after spending the evening with some wonderful ladies and when I came in Dave was watching the end of a movie.  I felt like I had seen the movie but couldn’t really remember but I wanted to respect him and his viewing but I wanted to chat so I sat down and watched the last few minutes.

Then I heard that line, “They really lived”.  This got me to thinking, what does it mean to really live?  Will people say that about me when I die?  “She really lived!”

I want them too.  And I really want to live today so I can give them a chance to say it some 50 or so years from now (very optimistic that I will live healthly for a long time!).

But then that makes me begin to define what does it mean to “really live”.  Most of our days are filled with routines.  We have work, meetings after work, kids to get to dance or other activities, and we go, go, go.  Then on the weekends we try and rest.  Is that how we want to live?  Probably not all of that but how do we find a balance that allows us to really LIVE?

As I have been saying this week, I am on a staycation at home between jobs and I am trying to relax and with that comes defining how to relax (still working on that) but now I add on what does it mean to Live?  Could I give myself one more challenge for the week, I thought I was on vacation?!  But I think defining how we live also defines how we relax so as much as those two maybe seem like separate concepts I think they are very similar. 

This is what I have thought so far about living:

  1. Make the most of everyday
  2. Smile a lot because I am convinced it can change your mood.  It is hard to smile when you are in a bad mood but if you try it, it can make it better faster.
  3. Enjoy the people you are with.  Including take time and get together with others.  It is so worth it!
  4. Allow yourself to cry and show emotions.  I am taking this one to heart this year and as you already know, I cry a lot especially when it has to do with my senior in high school.
  5. Tell people how much they mean to you.  They want to hear it but won’t ask and you will benefit from it too as long as it is the truth.
  6. Do something with your partner/spouse/good friend at least once a month.
  7. Try new things.  Just recently went rock climbing for the first time.  It was great and something I had never done before.
  8. Read and develop new knowledge about new things of interest.  You can teach old dogs new tricks!
  9. Take time to relax.  Working on it but if I am doing some of these other items, I find it very relaxing.
  10. Last but not least…. Remember to take time for yourself.  I do mine through running and training.  I really get in touch with my body and feel at peace (most of the time!).


I hope you find these helpful.  I am sure if I stick to this plan others will exclaim after my long, long life, “She really lived!”

Downtime and trying to Relax

Not sure I have really talked about it in my blog but I recently got a new job.  Oh, I haven’t started yet but I will at the end of the month.  I am excited, nervous and looking forward to the change.  In the meantime, I have taken some time off.  I would like to say these two weeks off will be filled with me getting my life in order and relaxing but mostly what it consists of is errands, errands and getting things done before I start the new job.  Why is it we wait until we have time off to relax to do all the things we need to get done?  Doesn’t that sound counterproductive?  Shouldn’t we use the time off for what it should be used for? Taking time for ourselves or spending it with our family.  So that is my goal starting NOW!

How do you spend your downtime?  Do you ever just take time to relax?  Do you know how to relax?  Do you feel relaxed with my hitting you with all these questions?  I’m feeling better sending all my anxiety to you my wonderful blog readers!  🙂

To some a bubble bath is relaxing, reading a book is relaxing, to me relaxing is taking a long run on a beautiful fall day.  I was able to do that today but it was a short long run (now that doesn’t make very much sense does it?).  I use to consider a long run about 3 or 4 miles but that was before I would do 9 and 10 mile long runs.

So I did a 4 mile long/short run today to help with my relaxation.  It was mid-afternoon and the fall trees looked gorgeous and the temp was in the low 60’s.  Great weather.  I love spending the time listening to my ipod and getting out of my head.  Relaxing and in some weird ways thinking.  Hey, I can’t help it!  I have never really learned how to stop my head, at least I was thinking about doing things relaxing.

I think it is important to determine what it is that makes you relax.  What is even more important is for you to do it!!!  So get started, make a list, think about, or however you want to do it, just find more ways to relax.  Your body, mind and soul will thank you for it!

Whirlwind trip to New York City

Saturday morning at 5:30 am we set out for our whirlwind trip to New York City.  Really it was a trip about visiting colleges (Hofstra and Adelphi) but we turned it into more, because if you are that close to the city, why not drop on in?!

We took a ferry to Long Island which was relaxing and then drove through beautiful wine country.  Was so wanting to stop and just spend our trip there but I am not sure my daughter would appreciate not seeing the colleges, the original destinations!

We made it to Hofstra, took the tour and spent some time exploring the bookstore because everyone needs a shirt from all the colleges they visit!  It was now time to check in to the hotel and make our way into the city.  Here are some fab pictures we took on our trip:


Notice how there are no pics of the colleges.  We really did visit, honest.  For some reason we only took our camera’s out when we were in the city.

Some of the things I noticed about myself were these:

  • I still cry when the admissions person talks about my daughter being the class of 2013 for her high school but they are looking at her as the class of 2017 !  Maybe I just had something in my eye, maybe it was the cost of these colleges, or maybe it is back to that not so distant blog post about really missing her when she goes away!
  • I am not a city person!!!!  I grew up in the midwest and love New England but those city people are harsh.  From driving to walking they were very overwhelming!  There was one point while I was driving that the train came through and I had to stop making the person behind me miss making through the red light.  He honked at me and yelled at me for the entire five minutes we waited on the train.  So apparently these people would rather me get hit by a train so they can make the light, where they would have to wait for the train too!  Not a fan of driving on Long Island.
  • Trains/Train stations are unpredictable which cause me stress!!!  Example: Made it to Penn station in time for the 12:14 am (yep that’s right been up since 5 am why not stay in nyc until 12:15am in the morning!) and there was no track assigned to the train.  What?  How does that happen?  When they finally announced the track number it was 12:16am and everyone who was waiting, which must have been about 300 people made a mad dash for the train.  That was fun! Not!!!  But we made it.
  • I love to surprise people.  When we surprised Mack with Chicago tickets (I videoed it and it is great!) I cried again!  It was so much fun to be able to do that.  PS – I still watch the video and cry!
  • The 9/11 sight still brings back memories and emotions even this many years later and it looks pretty cool at night too.

Finally, I love fun whirlwind trips but it takes a few days to really feel rested from long adventures.  I guess I might be getting old or I just need to do more of them to get use to it!!

Riding the Ferry to Long Island! It is really early!

PS – did not get any runs in while on this trip but we did walk ALOT so I think that counts as my exercise for the weekend.  Back to the gym this week.

Motivational Monday

Found this  for motivational monday at this blog (  You should go visit because she has lots of great stuff.


I am currently reading this book: 

because I thought it would be a great way to prepare for my new job and continue on my path to being a better, stronger therapist.  Here is the website that goes along with the book:

I hope you will take the time to explore it all.

Happy Monday!