Lazy Weekends

relax1As I sit here in my PJ’s relaxing after a long day of not doing much, a little guilt comes over me.  The guilt is from the fact I don’t feel like I did much this weekend.  I only got one training run in on Saturday and it was only a little over 12.6 miles (which gave me the most miles run in one week ever!).  I was hoping to go farther because the weather was beautiful (finally) but my legs were not having it.  If you remember (or read my blog) on Friday evening I did weighed lunges and my thighs hurt so bad after I could barely walk.  Well that did not change much over the weekend.  Saturday while I was running my legs were like, “are we done yet? Are we done yet?” until finally they decided we were done!  Luckily I was close to home.

Then today I did headed off to church all dressed up but in pain, came home and fixed breakfast in some pain and then our Easter dinner/lunch which maybe I will call “linner” or “dunch” (I’ll let you decide) with some pain.  relax

So now I sit, trying to decide whether I over did it or whether I will wake up tomorrow glad that I did those lunges because now I feel so much stronger (I will just avoid doing them again anytime soon).  But I also wonder why I feel guilty for not doing much.  How does one relax without feeling guilty?  Well my reasoning right now is that the next few months are going to be crazy with dance competitions, graduation, recitals, and oh yeah, a trip to OKC for a marathon.   So relax while you can.

relax2I hope everyone else had a wonderful relaxing/lazy weekend.

Random Thoughts/Questions

random1So here I sit on a Friday evening at home all alone… oh sorry, I didn’t want you to feel sorry for me.  I am enjoying my time (okay it is a little lonely but I am glad everyone in my house is doing something they find enjoyable outside of my house and away from me).  With no one to talk to, I begin to think (I know!  Look out because that is dangerous!)  I haven’t written a blog in a few days so what could I write about with all of this free time to just relax.  Well I didn’t just come up with some brilliant thing to write about it was more like “here are some crazy thoughts, see what you can do with them.”  So instead of writing about one specific thing I thought I would share the craziness that is going on in my brain (I sometimes call it “Cray Cray!”)  So here goes:

When I am warm, why are my toes still cold?random2

How can I run 18 miles and feel pretty good but when I do three sets of weighed lunges my thighs burn like nobody’s business and I find it hard to go down stairs for a day or two.

Never eat the jelly beans and easter egg fillers while getting easter baskets ready because if you haven’t eaten a full meal before doing this, you will end up with the shakes and feeling like you just drank a whole pot of coffee.

Will I ever do all the crafts or bake all the things I pinned on Pinterest (probably not but I keep pinning).

Whatever happened to teams wearing the same uniforms down to the same shoes.  (This came from the University of Miami’s basketball team wearing different colored neon shoes.  I mean seriously I know shoes come in all different colors so why neon green or orange!  Whatever happened to black or white and letting how well you play be the thing we remember.)  Maybe I have watched to much March Madness!

The smell of fresh popped popcorn sends my stomach into overload and it begins to growl.  (Happened to me this week at a Client’s home and it was only 10am.)  You’re welcome.  I know you are now smelling it and now all you want is popcorn!

I wear jeans every day.  I don’t like to spend more than $20 on jeans.  Am I cheap?  Probably!

My work depends on seeing Clients.  No Clients, no pay.  Why do some make appointments that they don’t intend to keep or it takes a letter sent to them to almost close their case before they find your time as important as theirs?

A friend posted this on facebook and maybe it is what created these thoughts going through my head: When people are physically injured we’re ok with them taking the time off…but when they have mental issues we see them as weak.

So now I leave you with those thoughts to ponder, come up with ones of your own, or just ignore because you are not sure how you found my blog anyway and I really am cray, cray! random

Have a wonderful Friday evening!

Getting there…

Totally need to find someone to do this for me.  I think I might just put it on my shirt in some way!

Totally need to find someone to do this for me. I think I might just put it on my shirt in some way!

For the past couple of weeks I have been stressing.  I know, I know you would never know I am a stresser.  Anyway, I’ve been stressing because I would meet people on this training journey who have run lots of marathons.  I would ask them for advice because I feel like I need as much as I can get.  One person, who I wrote about in a previous blog, told me about different ways to massage my muscles, some eating advice, and even volunteered to train with me.  (I haven’t taken her up on the offer but it was really nice and I might do it in the future.)  Then there was the question, for those of you who have trained for a marathon, or have offered advice to others, you might know the question.  This question can send you into a joyful confidence or it can make you want to cry and stress you completely out.  Well guess which one it was for me.  Yep, pretty easy, I’m the one who was full of confidence.  NOT!!!

Okay so everyone is on the same page, the question I am talking about is:  What is your longest run so far in your training?  Well I don’t know about you but I haven’t had an extra 3 hours in my recent weekends to devote to running (even though I probably should have) and the amount of snow we have had on a weekly basis has made it hard to run longer than 1.5 hours because that is only as far as the gym treadmill will let me run (not to mention some of the weird looks I get from people who are like,”you’re still running!”)

So my previous answer was 15 miles (okay I fudged it a little because hey I was talking to people who have run at least 10 marathons.  I was a little intimidated).   My previous long run was only 13.5 miles which sounds really far until their response was given with a very concerned face, “you really need to run at least an 18 miler before you do a marathon.”  Hence the crazy, psychotic stress face that happened internally when talking to them but externally when I got away from them and began to doubt what I was doing once again.  I mean really was the human body meant to run 26.2 miles when we have cars and bikes even that can get us there way faster!

Well, I did it!  Today I ran for 2.5 hours and completed 18.3 miles.  The weather was beautiful, my body felt good, and I didn’t even hate the first 3 miles.  Yeahgetting there1 me!  Just so you don’t think this is all about running, I learned something from this, okay I already knew it, but I reaffirmed something from this, “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right!”  Never does this mean more to me than when I am so buried in my head that I lose all confidence and need a flicker of hope to get me going again.  Well, today I got it.  Today I knew that I can complete a marathon.  Today I knew that I can do whatever I put my mind to.  Today I knew that if I let others take control of my mind than I lose.  Today I knew that if I had to run the marathon this weekend, I WOULD finish (which really should be and is my goal. And a little side note, as soon as I realized that during my run, I started crying.  I’m such and emotional freak but they were tears of joy that I have jumped one more hurdle.getting there2)

How about you?  Did you have a confidence building moment or are you getting there?  I hope so.

Sometimes I wonder….

Sometimes I wonder if I am just very dingy or if I just don’t quite understand things when they are happening.  I like to think that when I am with my clients I am able to help them and provide them with good insight but when things happen to me, I tend to just let them happen and then later think, why didn’t I say anything.  Something like this happened to me tonight.  I was at wondera dessert bar having well, dessert, and I ran into someone I know.  She was with others and we struck up a conversation.  One of these individuals informed me that the reason I was able to teach a class at a local university was because I am blonde and skinny.

I have been sitting here pondering this horrible remark and wondering why I didn’t say anything to her about why she felt it was necessary to say something like this.  I mean I was glad that all my hard work in the gym/training has paid off but I like to think I have a ton more to give than my body.  I like to think I am pretty intelligent.  I think my biggest regret is that it took me a good 40 mins to process what was said and why I didn’t say something in the moment to rebut what she had said.  Maybe it is that I am too nice, maybe it was I really didn’t give what she said any worth, or maybe I felt what I said at the moment was enough which was explaining how I came upon the opportunity.  Whatever it was, I am thinking whether I would have handled the situation different if I was a in a different mood.  When I am out with my other half, I am relaxed and enjoying my time so I am not on guard about what people are saying.  I just let things happen.

I guess I wonder the most why would someone say something like that.  My biggest thought is jealously.  I really hate that word but I feel like I have those moments of jealously where I think something but don’t necessarily say it.  I guess my hope is that she begins to think about things before she says them and then the other part me wants to show her that I can do this as well as other things and be very successful!  Oh and I probably will continue to have these moments, continue to not say anything to someone but will continue to grow and become a successful therapist.  Just a thought and something to wonder about…..

Community Experience

communityThere are lots of communities, more specifically there are multiple people we are connected to through different life experiences.  Have I lost anybody yet?  Maybe I should tell you what happened this evening and then you will understand my thinking (at least I hope so.).

Tonight I was at the gym for a run after a long day of sitting on my butt at a conference.  I struggled for the 7 miles but I did it!  Then my right toes started cramping mainly because I didn’t roll after my run, I just wanted to get home and get some things done.  Anyway, I went into the room to stretch and roll and there was someone there who I struck up a conversation with.  Remember, I am a talker/therapist so any chance to talk to someone, I take.  Well we started talking about training and turns out she is the same age as me but has run about 15 marathons.  She knew just by seeing me at the gym so much that I must be training for something.  So I told her about my upcoming marathon. community2

We then spent the next 20 mins (much to her husband’s chagrin) chatting.  It was great to find a connection with someone and she even volunteered to help me train.  Finally I have someone to chat with in person, someone who has done this crazy marathon thing quite a few times.  A new person to add to my running community, Yippee!!!  Someone I can learn from!

This whole experience made me think about all the communities I have in my life.  My work community which supports me and helps me help my clients.  My blogging community which is awesome and I thoroughly enjoy the support from.  My running community which has more people through my blog than in person but now I have one more to add to it.  My daughter’s dance community which is like a close family.  These are just a few I can think of right now.

What I love about these communities are that I gain so much by being involved in each one.  I look forward to what I can learn and enjoy the socialization.  Do you have communities that you are involved in?  I bet you do.  Have you ever thought about what you get from each one?  Maybe now you will!community1

Love/Hate Relationship

loveLet me start by saying that this is not a griping post just something I was thinking about while I was running tonight.

I have a lot of love hate relationships and I didn’t even realize it!  This is the conversation that started it all in my head.  I love that daylight savings time allowed me to get in a 10 mile run after work… hate that daylight savings time takes my body a good three days to adjust too.  Here are some of the others I came up with while I was running so surprise, surprise there are quite a few about running.  Read on if you would like:

I love a good run…hate the first one to two miles of it though!

I love to run outside…hate to run on the treadmill.

I love the wind in my face in the summer…hate the wind in my face when it is 45 degrees because it is COLD!love2

I love to finish my day early… hate to get up early to start my day!  (Crazy I know!)

I love to do things with my family… hate to play boardgames with my family (but I do it anyway because I am a good mom.)

I love my cats…hate their hair everywhere (especially on my plate when I am eating and believe me I clean all the time!)

I love snow… hate the winter because of the short days and the cold.

I love my clients… hate that sometimes I feel like I am working harder than them.

I love reading a good book…hate finishing it because it feels like I am losing some new friends.

I really feel like I could come up with more but this is probably enough.  I think we all have love hate relationships.  Which ones are you willing to admit to?


A Common Theme

pass2Tonight as I was reading all the blogs that I subscribe too through my blog reader and I began to notice a theme that I can totally understand.  We are all struggling.  We are all facing fears that we have to overcome as well as times of uncertainty or even depression.  I can totally relate.

Is it the weather?  We are currently being slammed with another snowstorm.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love the snow but it’s march, so maybe it is time for some spring to happen.

Is it the season?  Technically we are still in winter even though as I just mentioned spring should be here soon.  The days are shorter but good news (especially if you live in the U.S.) we lose an hour this weekend so our days will be longer by turning our clocks forward.

Or is it that we all just need a great/long vacation?  I can totally buy into this one.  The only problem is that I can’t “buy” into this one.  (No extra money to make this investment, currently) pass

I would like to say I have come up with the answer but sorry, unfortunately I don’t have the answers.  I can tell you that I finally feel like I’m getting better.  Recently I decided to use another coping skill which is kind of an old coping skill, I started reading books that have nothing to do with my work.  I usually try to stay up to date on things, learn new ways to help my clients, or further my knowledge.  But I have been feeling overwhelmed by doing this, feeling like I never relax in the evening and so when I wake up the next morning, it’s like I never stopped working.  I began to realize my clients can benefit more from me taking these moments to take care of myself then knowing more information to pass on to them.

My advice to add to this common theme with my fellow bloggers is the old saying, “this too shall pass”.  Hang in there, keep plugging away, and venting with each other will really help!pass1