Cutting ties

tiesWhy do we hold on to someone when we know that we should let go and then it hurts when that person finally just lets you go?  I mean, I start to think did I do something wrong?  Even so much so that I retrace the events of the relationship and notice that each time it hurt, it was not me causing it.  Why didn’t I take control and cut the tie earlier.  Why did I hang on?  Was I really hanging on or did I just think that it would hurt the person if I cut the tie?

Well here is the thing, before social media you could just no longer talk to someone and if your paths didn’t cross you both just drifted apart.  You might think of someone a couple of times but you would just go on with your life never really knowing if the tie was cut, and guess what, I was okay with that.  But since social media you know right away, or maybe not right away, but you are able to figure out that it happened.

So does that mean I stop using social media to avoid these situations?  Nope.  I love seeing my family and friends who are far away and then those that are close by, it is fun to see what they have been up too.  Does this make me a voyeur?  I’m not sure.  I hope not.  I really just love to see pics of people and be reminded that they are doing well.  But as I write this it still makes me feel like maybe I do have those voyeuristic tendencies.  ties2

But back to the issue… are there other things we hold on to too long and should just let go?  Why don’t we do it?  Is it just easier to keep doing the same ole’ thing and expecting different results but never getting them?  I think that is the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  But that is not the point of this post, which at this point I might have lost the point I was trying to make…

Oh wait, here it is.  If you were gonna cut the tie but you held on to long and you were beat to the punch, why does it hurt?  Because you didn’t do it first?!  I think it hurts me because I felt like I gave more to the relationship than this person ever did and in the end I feel hurt that I gave so much.  It is events like this that make us want to never share ourselves with others.  We go out on a limb and we make the choices to allow someone to know the intimate details of our lives and then if it is not used against you (which I always hope it is not) at the very least you have told someone your dark secrets.  Now don’t say you have never done this or that you don’t have things that everyone doesn’t already know because we all have them.  We ties1have those things that don’t come up in regular conversation, those events in our lives that once you know them about someone it explains a lot more about them.  Usually when you know it, it makes you respect that person even more and changes the relationship.

The unfortunate part is that you can’t make the person ever unlearn what you have said when they decide to move away (but gosh you really want to).  So maybe this is why there is pain.  I’m not sure, I don’t have all the answers.  But I know it hurts and it is ridiculous because really I moved on from the relationship many, many months ago.  I guess now though, it is final!  So now I will cope and move past the fact that this person has officially pushed me out of their lives.  I will be okay (haven’t lost any sleep yet!) and I will in the end share things about myself and put myself out there mainly because I won’t change who I am because someone cuts ties with me!ties3