Yesterday I had an unusual finish to my day. It ended way earlier than I thought or wanted it to (being an outreach therapist sometimes this happens because believe it or not people don’t always show up for their appointments even if it is at their home and you come there). So I thought I would take advantage of a wonderful fall day and complete a long run, midweek and in the middle of the day. Sounds like a great idea right?! Well it sucked!
Oddly enough I wanted it to be great. I felt ready. I wanted to go 10 miles and make it long especially since I won’t be able to run a lot this weekend due to some family obligations. I was also excited to run because the weather was awesome, nice and cool yet sunny. I had my location picked, my local rail trail run. Off I went. Down the leaf covered trail, cautious at times because all the leaves covering the trails was quite slippery. And from the beginning I felt slow, awkward and not happy about my choice to run a long distance. But soon I found myself just doing it. Trying to get lost in the motions and not think about the pain/distance. This quote pretty much sums things up:
My head really started giving up when I was unable to locate my turn around spot (still haven’t bought that garmin so I rely on the markings on the trail and on this day it was covered by leaves). By the time I found a marker it was already 5.5 miles so I thought, I might as well go 6 and then turn around. This was also me trying to conquer the horrible mindset I was in. After finally turning back all I could tell myself was, “You are over halfway done!” I got to the finish and was so happy to be done.
As I look back at this run I begin to see how this is often my mindset in daily living especially when I am challenged. I find myself just trudging my way through the day and saying it will be great when this is over. Do you ever find yourself trapped here? I am not a fan. I consciously try not to live in this mindset and when I find myself here I get a little/a lot irritated!
So how do you/me get out of it? Well that is a good question.
Today I woke up and took my gift (the present moment) and unwrapped it and let it unfold like it wanted to. I tried not to control each movement, each thought and at times found myself saying things that I was not sure would work or comfort someone but just trusting and knowing that even if it didn’t work it wouldn’t cause someone harm. Maybe in fact it would challenge them to see things a little different. And you know what, it worked. I never know what I’m walking into when I visit a client which really is much like a run. As much as I prepare, I never know if my mind is going to take over or if my body is just gonna decide it doesn’t want to do this today but yet I trust. I trust that all the things I have learned all the training I have been doing are going to persevere and it will all be okay in the end. And really, it is! Or maybe I should say shockingly it is. It seems to work out when I let things happen and keep my mind control out of it.
PS – as much as the run sucked and it was farther than I wanted to go, I was glad that I got it in and today I got to rest!