I struggle…

StruggleDo you ever have those moments when you want to help but you don’t know how?  I have them a lot.  I would say daily.  I think that is part of my job.  But sometimes the struggle is not just finding the words to help comfort, it’s actually in listening to the story.  It’s not that I don’t want to listen to the story of my 60+ clients, it is more that the story is so real I can feel it in the room and when they are done telling the story I want to have the right words.  The words that say,”it’s gonna be alright”.  Sometimes those are the exact words I actually say because I know no others except “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me, for letting me in.”  But yet it doesn’t feel like enough… so I struggle.

I know that just the action of talking about things, letting it out, putting it out there in the universe, it becomes healing.  It is healthy and some of my clients have never had that experience.

So I struggle… I think do they want more?  Do they expect more?  Do they want me to have the answers?  I think the last one is the only one that is true.  They want me to have the answers because they can’t seem to figure it out.  But I have noticed that as long as I am honest with them and tell them, “I don’t have them but we can search together for them” it is only then that they begin to give therapy a chance.  To let down those walls.  I see it happen on a regular basis.  I’m shocked when it occurs, probably as much as they are.  I am transformed when it happens and they begin to feel it too because you can see the spark in their eyes that they have begun to finally trust someone again.  I feel honored, yet I struggle….

I struggle with the blessing that has been bestowed on me to process their life with them.  The honor of being one of the few they trust enough to become vulnerable with.

I struggle… yet I am honored.  Because through them I learn the strength of another human.  I get to be a part of their path, their resilience, their journey to a new creation.  I struggle to understand how I can be so blessed with such wonderful souls and how I can be a part of their guidance and I am honored!

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