Learning How to Behave

As we grow up, we learn how to behave in public.  What is normal, what is allowed and how to successfully interact with others to get our needs met.

I have to say, now is a new time.  Learning how to behave during this event is strange, difficult and very unsettling.

Let’s just start with the grocery store… Usually I smile at people, interact a little bit, and when at the checkout I usually joke around with the cashier and those bagging my groceries.  But now, I find myself unable to smile at others (due to the mask over my face), and making eye contact just feels invasive to others.  If I walk past someone, I find myself turning my back towards the person to keep them safe as well as me.  It feels so odd.  And at the checkout, it feels like we shouldn’t be joking around, making small talk.  Just get in and get out.  I’m learning how to behave while shopping.

Last week, I met my daughter to give her some toliet paper (she was out and couldn’t find any).  When we met up in a parking lot, we weren’t sure how to greet each other.  Sit in the car, she get the prize possession out the back of my car and then drive away or could I get out and greet her like I wanted to do.  Hug my baby girl?!  It felt weird.

Mack and TP

Mack and her Charmin and a little chocolate.  🙂

 

Me being me, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to hug by daughter’s neck but it definitely felt odd and it felt like others in the parking lot were staring, judging.  I hate that feeling.  The feeling I am doing something wrong especially when it involves my family.  I’m learning how to behave when seeing my family.

None of us know when this is going to end.  We are all altering our behavior, learning how to behave.  My hope is that when this is over, our behavior during this time has not become our new normal.  We are able to greet each other face to face, joke around with a cashier, make small talk with a smile and most importantly hug the necks of the ones we love.

A Day of Remembrance

Twenty five years ago today (April 19), Oklahoma City changed forever.  This is the day of terror that struck the city with the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal building.

bombing

Although I was not in downtown OKC when the bomb went off, I was at home with a very young baby.  It shook my house and I knew right away something was wrong.

Today as I went for my morning run, I was brought back to that day.  I was telling my running friend all about where I was and what was going on.  I was also reminded that I would normally be preparing for the Run to Remember which is held at the end of April to commemorate this day.  Instead I was out for a normal Sunday run because during this time of social distancing, all races/runs have been postponed.  I was thinking instead about how lucky I was to be only minimally impacted by that event as well as this one.  How grateful I am that we made it through that challenging time and how we will make it through this one.

OKC-Memorial-Overview

The memorial is beautiful at night and during the day.

I am no longer in Oklahoma but I have family and friends who still live there.  Today I was able to watch a live stream broadcast of the memorial tribute which in years past has not been available, which again is something to be grateful for.

In 168 days (10/4/20) the Run to Remember will happen.  We will run to remember the 168 lives lost on that day as well as the many, many lives effected that changed this nation.  I am grateful and hopeful that we will be able to celebrate how far we have come as well.

Marathon

What are you grateful for today?

Click, Click, Click….

Dave and I have been together for quite a while and when things are getting crazy we can just look at each other and say, “click, click, click”.  It’s not weird couples speak or maybe it is.  We actually have a visual with it as well.  Imagine your hands up in the air and quite possibly screaming at the top of your lungs.

What is it you ask?

It’s an old wooden roller coaster.

Click, Click, Click… we are climbing up to the top of the first big hill before we are plunged down the other side for quite a ride.  Sometimes those rides are quick but most of the time those rides are crazy fast and can last for quite a while.  (Getting our monies worth maybe!)

As we take each day during this time, I kind of feel like that is how I am coping each day.  The I’m not okay day was definitely a plunge down the steepest part of the roller coaster.  And right now, I’m feeling like every day is a continuation of that roller coaster journey.

Maybe we are in the part of the old wooden coaster that is shaking back and forth, jarring you side to side, with a small rise and then your stomach drops as you plummet a little farther along the tracks.  I’ve probably still got my hands raised up in the air and I’m screaming but I am also confident that someday, hopefully soon, we will get to the end where the roller coaster slows.  Then ever so slowly you creep back into the station to safely disembark and go on about your normal activities.

I don’t know about you but I will be ever so thankful for the disembarkation of this roller coaster journey!

 

 

I’m not okay

IMG_7763Today, I’m not okay. Yesterday I was okay, last week I was doing pretty well, heck 6 weeks ago I was planning my wedding, working hard at my job, enjoying my runs and relaxing at home after a day at work.

But you know what, today I’m not okay. I thought I was when I went to work. I thought I was doing just fine. Another day of this new normal or new Norma (that is what we call it at office because when I introduced the new plan via email, I forgot the “l”. Hence the new Norma!). Anyway, it was just going to be another day at the office. I’m only there 2 days a week right now and then I’m working from home the rest of the time. But in the middle of the day something happened, something that made the day not my new Norma but a new, new Norma! I hope that makes sense.

Well what happened you ask?

It was something simple, something that others are already doing but to me it was something new.

I was asked to wear a mask while at the office. All of a sudden I felt off. I was confused. How did this safe space I have worked in through all of this, suddenly become unsafe now?! How did what I did 5 minutes ago become, not okay right now?!

I feel like that is what is happening each day. Each day we are asked to change something about our behaviors that will help to keep us safe. But it doesn’t feel that way.

It feels…. I don’t know uncomfortable….. bizarre…. weird.

I understand the logic behind it all. Believe me, as a Director of a program, I understand the desire to keep both my employees and my clients safe. I spend most of my days right now planning, brainstorming, and figuring out how we can be safe, yet still meet the needs of the population we work with.

But today…

Today I struggled and continue to struggle over making one more step on this safety protocol.

I don’t think any of us like to live in fear and today I think that is where I am. I’m questioning about whether I’m doing enough to keep my family safe. I’m questioning about whether I’m doing enough to keep my employees and clients safe. I’m questioning how long this will continue and when we will be able to resume living life. Also what will that life look like when we resume it?

I remember reading something recently, probably on Facebook because really that is where the best information comes from (just kidding) but it went something like this.

If you were diagnosed with Covid 19 and had to tell someone all the places you have been and who you might have exposed this to, would you be ashamed or okay with it?

Or as another friend put it, did you “do your part in this”?

Part me wants to go screaming into the world and just pick up life where it left off but then there is the smarter part that says; this is only a small sacrifice for an amount of time, the length of time we don’t know yet, but for a small amount of time compared to the larger picture and the larger amount of time I have lived (almost 48yrs to be exact). Don’t be a drama queen!  Go use some skills and move past this moment of fear. Go out and enjoy the fresh spring air. Look outside later tonight and see the full moon, look at the stars. Enjoy your dinner this evening, don’t rush through it to be on to the next thing. Play with your cats, spend time listening to music, maybe even figure out what this Tiger King show is that everyone is watching. (Really, I have no idea and I am from Oklahoma.)

We are in a time of slowing down, a time we can grow if we do it right. A time of reflection and maybe even deciding who we want to be when this is over.

For me, I think I want to be less fearful of situations like these but instead find how I can grow when being tested. In the end, that is what this is. A test, pass or fail, we will get through it and let’s help others get through it as well. “Do your part”, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable because through that uncomfortableness we grow!

Oh, by the way, I think I’m okay again.  Thanks for listening.  🙂