It doesn’t seem to get easier….

LifeWe all know life isn’t fair, okay if you didn’t know, life is not fair.  Well life also has times in it that don’t get easier.  I had this epiphany while making dinner.  I know this is going to sound strange but bear with me….

You know when you are making chicken nuggets and you dip them in flour, then in egg and then in the breadcrumbs and your fingers get all covered and it actually gets a little more difficult to make instead of easier because you get in a rhythm.  So you have to stop clean up your hands and start again, sometimes you have to do this multiple times but in the end it is worth it.

I know, I know when did I turn this blog into a blog about cooking?  Really that seems to be the only time today I was able to process everything that happened so here goes with that explanation:

Let’s start with the running…. Today was torrential down pours when I left work so it meant off to the gym I went.  On the training plan today was 9 miles with 10/100m strides and it was to be done on the dreadmill.  Really it wasn’t that bad but it was not easy.  In fact, I was hopeful that it would be a little easier than the 15 miles I completed on the treadmill on Sunday (hey the windchill was in the double digit negative degrees, I didn’t want to freeze to death!).  My hopes of easier where dashed when I had to jump off for a pit stop at mile 3.25, then dropped my GU fuel at mile 5 but finally completed the 9 miles with a 9min pace.  Not too bad but really not any easier than the 15 miler the 2 days before.

The real moment of not getting any easier came from work today when I found out a client who I use to work with before I changed jobs to Program Director, passed away from an overdose over the weekend.  I know the reality of the work I do.  In my state alone 4 people die from overdose every day and I always say that I can’t save people but I can help them if they are ready to work their butts off to do the work to save themselves.  It just does not get an easier.  That is probably why I stay so passionate about my work.  I am always trying to make client’s experiences better, to reach more people, and to do the best I can.  At the end of the day, it does not get any easier to move past a death of a client.  But Dave reminds me to focus on those that are continuing to flourish, to make the changes they need to make and to face life on life’s terms.

So really I don’t want it to get easier, I will continue to work my butt off to run farther, train harder, and set new running goals.  I will also be thankful for these moments that keep me working harder for my clients and the reminder that all I can do is my best.

By the way, the nuggets were worth it.  I like them better than the store bought ones that would have been a lot easier!

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Feeling Fearful…

fearfulI know this might sound a little crazy but this weekend I was not myself.  I woke up on Sunday morning with the expectation to go for a long run on a beautiful day.  But that was not to be.  When I placed my foot on the ground, my whole leg hurt so bad that I could hardly walk.  I still tried to rehab it all morning.  Foam rolled, had Dave rub my leg and some stretching with no good results.  Not only did this not help but I started to become stressed about my next half marathon which led me to “I will never run again”!

Wow, isn’t it amazing how fast fear takes over our thoughts?!

I was also in a very bad mood because when I get scared I go to a very bad place, not to mention I use running/exercise as my mood stabilizer anyway.  I was glad my family was away for the day because I spent the day struggling through and kind of moping.  It seemed like everything was going wrong too.  I went grocery shopping and when I got home I dropped a whole gallon of milk on the floor when trying to put it on the counter.  If you have ever heard the expression “don’t cry over spilt milk” and thought it was crazy, you have never spilt a full gallon of milk all over your tile floor, under the appliances and cabinets and need I mention the fact that my leg was killing me and oh yeah I had not run since Thanksgiving and I was under the impression I would never run again!

The fear was real…

On Monday, I still had pain.  It was getting a little better but yet I was still concerned.  I’ve worked hard for the past 5 years staying in shape.  Even on Sunday when I was struggling with pain I went to the gym and rode the bike and did some stretching.  Monday I also went to the gym and rode the bike and got my free chair massage which helped for a little while.

This morning I woke up and was pretty much pain free.  Not sure how that happened but I was really thankful.  I was able to go to the gym after work and run 5 miles, pain free.  Just like that the pain was gone!  It seems really strange.  My focus was back and now I can focus once again on my training for my next race.  (But I am still trying to figure out what happened in my leg that caused the pain)

Isn’t it crazy how things can change very quickly in our lives?  Isn’t it crazy how we can go from perfectly normal (okay I am not perfectly normal but normal for me) to a crazy stress bag overnight?  I can go from being very confident that I can complete anything I try to I can never do this again?

When we take a moment to step back and face the fear that is happening in our lives, label it, we are able to come up with a plan to overcome it.  But often we just get swallowed up by it.  We have a pity party in it, we don’t look for a better outcome, a positive solution.

I like to think if just like that my running days were over, I could find something I liked to do to stay healthy maybe some crossfit (I see a lot of friends doing that).  I usually can reframe just about anything into a positive solution.  Life is short and I don’t know about you but living in fear is not where I want to live.  Of course having a good run at the gym really did help my thoughts go from fear to “I can handle this.” fearful1

Always thankful….

Thanksgiving Contest - What Are You Thankful For?

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the good ole’ US of A.  This just happens to be my favorite holiday.  I love the fact that we all take a moment to think about gratitude, things that we are thankful for.  In my life I tend to practice this on a daily basis.  I love to spend a few moments daily reflecting on at least 3 things that I am grateful for either from the day before or things that might happen in my life today.  For example: I am grateful for the long run that I had this weekend and I am also grateful for the strength that will be there when I need it today to conquer today’s challenges.  I really feel if we live in a gracious state of mind, we tend to see life in a different more present experience.

You may not be celebrating tomorrow this holiday of Thanksgiving but I challenge you to make thanksgiving part of your every day.  How will you do it?  I will continue to keep my daily journal of gratitude and be focused on the present because afterall it is a gift (present).  🙂 thanksgiving4